Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Darol James Davis 4/19/70-5/16/89 AKA DJ

1989 seems like a lifetime ago. So much has happened, so much has changed. Yet when the sixteenth of May rolls around every year it feels like it just happened. The pain is still there, just as strong as the day I said goodbye. My heart aches to hear my brothers voice, to see him playing with my children. Pretty sure he would spoil them rotten. Pretty sure he would think I was crazy for having four of them.
My brothers death changed me forever. I used to believe things happen for a reason and it was God's plan. I don't think that anymore. I was so pissed off at God for a very long time, years and years. Then I found a church again and started forgiving and believing once again.
Now I am struggling again. My friend had to bury her second baby son in less then a years time. How can that be God's plan? They say God will never give us more then we can handle. Not sure I believe that. I don't think God had anything to do with this. And if he did, he's a cruel individual. And I don't want to think that of him. How could this be his plan? The same thoughts that I had seventeen years ago when my brother was taken from us are back......WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
Posted by Misti :: 12:23 PM :: 11 People having fun

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